The Original Faux Queen - Miss Piggy

Dear Miss Piggy,

YOU had me "moi!"

i remember when we first met, you were a young piglet and came via postal mail in the form of a comic book, "The Muppet Babies." i saw you once again when you made your second big screen movie, The Great Muppet Caper. You were doing the most incredible water ballet in the fiercest costumes and i couldn't keep my eyes off you. i had to figure out a way to be just as fierce as you were. 

And then it happened!
i found you!
In spandex no less . ..

 

i did your workout like it was my own religion. i hung your pull-out poster on my wall as inspiration. i studied the record cover like it was a treasure map. i wished on star every night in hopes of adding even just a speckle of your flawlessness into my life.



But i still didn't feel any different. i still didn't feel glamorous. i was still no closer to your fabulousity than when i first started. Devastated, i did the unthinkable . . . i sold my record in a garage sale. i KNOW. i know. i was hurt.

Soon after albumgate, you wrote THE book that changed my life and became my bible:

WIGS!!?!?

FASHION?!?!?

i was on a roll to being a diva!

But life happens. i became a teenager and i forgot all about the world of one diva pig because i was too distracted by the world of clothes, shoes, boys as drag divas, and love. Yes love. i had lost sight of the origins of my flamboyantly diva self.

i had forgotten you.

But you, my darling diva, will not be denied. You did NOT forget about me.

20 years later you reappeared when i least expected it--in a place that i would have least expected to find you--a vintage record store.

You had come back to me!!! You had forgiven me for selling you in the first place and for forgetting about you. We were back together. 

i brought you home and dusted off my bible. As i listened and read, i started to remember all the reasons that i fell in love with you in the first place: because you did not let your appearance dictate who were were, because you didn't take any crap from anyone (not even your Kermie), because you were always a lady despite being born a pig, and you did all with great style, grace, and attitude. 

And then it hit me.  

After all those years of trying to be you, i realized that i found you through just being me. You were never going to really tell me your secret to your flawless self, i had to go out and find that divaness for myself by myself. i realized that THAT'S what you were trying to tell me all along when you said, "the secret of getting that marvelous present you always wanted is to go out and buy it yourself." --i finally did that. i went out and created myself into the marvelous present/queen that i always wanted to be. My queendom was the only present i needed. i just had to need and want that queendom so badly enough that i would go out and find if for myself. And i did.

i still do.

We are kindred spirits, Miss Piggy. i, like you, am a little speckle of drag glitter-glamour where you would least expect to find it. 

kissy kissy from your forever devoted subject,



moi

How can you not LIVE for this FLAWLESSNESS?!?!?!?

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